My inlaws have come to stay. They have been here for an hour and a half . I have ran out of things to say already. They are here for 3 and a half weeks. Tweets will be restricted to narganarganarggh which is the sound of me gnawing my own legs off. One of them has a Hitler moustache from where they have neglected to shave, but I'm not at liberty to point out which one.
My father in law has recently been diagnosed diabetic. And they both seriously need to lose weight. As everything I usually like to eat is either very sugary, salty or fatty I haven't got a clue what to do for the 20-odd evening meals I will have to cook for them . Neither of them has ever been known to make any drinks and I feel like I'm running a fucking cafe.
They don't DO anything. I keep having to check to see if they are still breathing. They are human sloths, they seem content to spend 90% of their time slumped alseep on the sofa. And I can't go anywhere that hasn't got a long succession of conveniently spaced benches as they need to sit down and rest every two minutes. It doesn't help that my Mother In law has become agoraphobic and has to cling onto something /someone everywhere she walks. Walking unaided she becomes a big wobbly scary thing, like a fat Bambi.
****
Well, they came , they sat down on sofas and they went again. They say that they had a good time but I'm not entirely sure how. Maybe one day I will be able to understand and be able to enjoy the experience of sitting on a sofa a couple of hundred miles away from the usual sofa that I sit on.
Haha! Oh my! How rude of me to laugh at your misfourtune...but the benefit is this situation WILL likely force you to come up with new and interesting things to say...I have found that making statements at 3am as you burst through the guestroom door tends to take care of things nicely. I prefer clear, concise statements like; "Did the visitors use the anal probe on YOU yet"? Or perhaps even something as innocuous as "Pardon, have you seen the goats fedora?" can be equally effective...
ReplyDeleteand oddly enough it only takes one or two night to correct the situation.
Or, of course you can always go back to gnawing off your own legs, which is a well known, if not tried and true weight loss program.
:oD
4030lisa
Wise words 4030lisa, you obviously talk from experience(although I doubt that any alien with any sense whatsoever would go anywhere near my mother in law with an anal probe.) : )
ReplyDelete